This blog is now at 2momsandababy.com !!! Hope to see you all there!
So I finished up doing the 25 Days of Gratitude Challenge last week but realized I never gave you all a full list of the questions! So here they are!
1. What is a special memory from childhood?
2. What do you like about your job?
3. What spiritual beliefs are you grateful for?
4. What freedoms are you grateful for?
5. What is a challenge or trial that you have overcame that has strengthened you?
6. What do you love about one or more of your friends?
7. What was the best thing that happened today?
8. What is your favorite family tradition?
9. What kindness did someone show you today?
10. What do you like about where you live?
11. What do you love about your parents?
12. What is something you love in nature?
13. What gift did you love receiving this year?
14. What is something you are good at?
15. What made you laugh today?
16. What is something hard to do but you did it anyway?
17. What is your favorite family outing you went on this past year?
18. What is something beautiful that you saw today?
19. What is something one of your family members did to make you happy today?
20. What do you like most about the current season?
21. What is different today than a year ago that you are grateful for?
22. What accomplishments in your life have brought you the most happiness?
23. Who are you grateful for and what do you love about them?
24. What is the one thing you love about yourself?
25. What made you smile today?
Now, will you take the challenge???
Happy Monday!! (i know, it’s such an oxymoron)
I was recently introduced to the 12 week Slimpod Gold Program by Thinking Slimmer so I decided to give it a go and see what happens. This is the very start of my weight loss journey so I’m pretty excited to see what this program can do! The premise of the program is to listen to these podcasts (so 10 minutes a day) every single day in order to change your way of thinking when it comes to food, exercise and stress in a more positive manner.
Well before we get this thing a going, let me give you some background information. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, my weight has always been a HUGE struggle. I’ve always been a bigger girl. Always. I don’t ever remember a time where I was skinny or was in a healthy weight range. Maybe in elementary school? I honestly don’t ever remember a time. My biggest issue is food. Hands down. I’m an emotional and mindless eater. A HORRIBLE combination. I also have this weird thing that I absolutely have to finish my plate. I think it has something to do with the fact my parents would never let us get up from the table until our plate was finished. And it doesn’t help the fact that I’m incredibly picky. Vegetables are soooo not my thing. I’m hoping Slimpod can really help me fix these huge issues!
Here is a rough time line of my up and down weight journey:
February 2007 – I was 16 years old and 260lbs. My dad actually bought me a personal trainer for my birthday, I finally decided to make a life change.
August 2009 – I was 18 and with 70lbs down and 3 half marathons under my belt, I was at my lowest weight to date at 190lbs. I felt soooo incredibly good. But this was a time in my life where I was truly all alone for the very first time, I had moved several hours away from my family and my weight loss was no longer a priority. Paying the bills and school were all of a sudden a new priority and weight loss got put on the back burner. Cue in the mindless and emotional eating.
August 2012 – 21 years old and back up 50 lbs. So that put me at 240. This is when I was truly heartbroken for the first time but it this is also when I met my wife, who is a fantastic cook and for some reason thinks I’m always going hungry. So between my heart being cut in half and then a brand new relationship. Sooo much emotional eating.
November 2015 – 24 years old and I gained another 70. Putting me allllllll the way up at 333lbs. This is when I get pregnant.
July 2016 – 25 and I was exactly 350lbs the day I delivered my son. My heaviest weight to date.
Which brings us to today’s stats and the starting numbers for this program!
Weight: 333.9 lbs
Neck: 16 1/4 in.
Bust: 57 3/4 in.
Waist: 54 in.
Hips: 64 1/4 in.
Arms: Right: 18 7/8 in Left: 17 1/4in
Thighs: Right: 34 1/4 in Left: 30 1/4 in (yay for lopsidedness I guess!
Shirt Size: 2X/3X
Pants: 26/3x (I honestly haven’t put on a pair of regular jeans since getting pregnant with my son, before I was pregnant I was in a size 24 and they were a bit tight so I know I’m at least a 26)
The first thing the program wants you to do is set realistic goals for myself. So these are my 3 goals I would like to achieve in the next 12 weeks.
– I would like to lose 24lbs
-I would like to be in solely a 2x
– I would like to be in a size 22 pant/jean
I don’t know if you guys will truly understand how much it took for me to write that out and to post this. This is something I am so ashamed of. I want to make a change. I NEED to make a change. I refuse to have my son grow up with a fat mommy who can’t ride rides with him at parks. But this is why I am so excited to start to this program. I can’t wait to listen to my first slimpod tonight! And I will for sure be keeping you all updated a long the way!
To give you a clear picture here we need to back up all the way to the beginning. I have wanted to be a mom since before I can even remember. I wasn’t one of those girls that one day dreamed of being a doctor or even a president. I wanted to be a mom. In high school I leaned toward going into education or nursing and if those two aren’t the most mom-ish professions out there, I don’t know what is. And heck, do you want to know what my favorite TV show was? “A Baby Story” on TLC. Yup. No doubt in my mind, a mom is what I wanted to be. So every pregnancy, baby, and parenting thing I could get my hands on I would read and/or watch. So I was pretty well versed in the very good, the very bad, and the quite ugly of all three before I even got pregnant.
So now fast forward to the day those two pink lines showed up. I was beyond elated and then at the same exact time terrified out of my mind. Why? Because I knew exactly how this could all go very wrong. Then I got diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes so I then even had both of my doctors reminding me of everything that could go so very wrong. And this is where I think the depression/anxiety started to sneak it’s way into my being. I was constantly worried and convinced something bad was going to happen. I cannot tell you the amount of times I ran to the bathroom to make sure I wasn’t bleeding. Or how many times i chugged a fizzy drink or quickly ate something to get my baby to move, to get reassurance that everything was still ok. And because of this I don’t think I got to quite enjoy my pregnancy like I was really hoping to. Like I had been dreaming about my whole life.
Now to my labor, I was adamant since I was a little girl that I wanted a natural birth. No inductions, no c sections, and no pain medications (so no epidural). My mom had done it this way and so had my grandma and they each had 3 kids. So surely I could do it as well. Well with the GD diagnosis I knew I couldn’t go past 39 weeks. So I hoped and prayed every day that baby would make their appearance before then. (but not too early, of course). Well Mr. Stinker decided he did not want to come on his own. Mind you I had been having contractions (real ones! Not just Braxton hicks!) since 30 weeks. I was dilated to 2cm at my 36 week appointment and 90% effaced. My doctor even said i wouldn’t make it to 39 weeks but ha! Lil man wanted to prove her wrong. So at 39 weeks I was induced via Pitocin, a thing i did not want to happen but accepted it because i knew it was putting my baby’s life in danger if i continued to keep him on the inside. Because of the pitocin, it made the contractions that much more unbearable so I did end up getting an epidural. I was REALLY disappointed in my self. I mean, my body was made to handle this and I couldn’t. (queue in the depression and anxiety again here too).
The following days after my sons birth were overwhelming and not how I pictured going at all. My in laws came in from 1000 miles away to surprise us. We had a million and one people in my hospital room with us at one point. Being an introvert, this was a majorly stressful situation for me. My in laws expected to stay at our house but then we had house issues so they couldn’t and then we had to go stay at my parents. With all 3 of our dogs. One of our dogs ended up killing my parents cat while we were there. So ya, not how I wanted my son’s first week of life to go. And to add to the depression cocktail, my body completely failed my son and I was unable to breastfeed. My milk just never came in and I hadn’t even realized it until he wasn’t getting any food for 3 days straight. I’m still upset with myself for not realizing it sooner.
So we switch over to formula, we finally get to our own home and things are going great, we are in a routine and my son is thriving! I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. We are just moving right a long and it’s time to get to my 6 week PostPartum Check Up. They give me a little questionnaire that I know is about PPD and I answer it truthfully, thinking I have passed with flying colors. I hand it to the nurse and the doctor brings it in and she says “let’s talk about this”. And i’m just like “ok…”. She then informs me that I failed the questionnaire and that i DO have PPD and we need to talk about medication to make sure and get it in check. I just sit there completely shocked. Me? I have PPD? This can’t be! I’m not sad, by any means. I’m eager to take care of my son, I change his diapers when needed, I feed him when needed, I play with him (as much as you can with a newborn) and I certainly don’t want to harm him or myself!
But the doctor starts talking about it and then I start to look back on things over the past 6 weeks. How I’ve stayed in one spot on the couch the majority of the time I have been on my maternity leave. I have not gotten up to do house work, to bathe, nothing. And I had no desire to do it. The only thing I want to do is tend to my baby’s needs. And that’s it. Literally. How I’ve also stayed awake at night playing worst case scenarios over and over in my head. There was one night, the night before i was going to take my son by to see my coworkers, that i stayed up replaying an image of myself walking him across the street, me tripping and falling, letting go of his carrier and then a car running over it. That played over and over and over again in my head. So I then accepted, that wow, I really do have PPD. Something I would have NEVER expected. I mean, I’ve wanted a baby my whole life, we planned this baby. How could this happen to me? So I think with all the combination of all the events listed above (not enjoying pregnancy, labor didn’t go as expected, or my son’s first few days, etc), dump an imbalance of hormones into the mix and bam, you have PPD.
I think what I’m trying to get across in saying all this is that PPD is not always the suicidal thoughts, the harming of your children, or just even being sad all the time (though all of these things could very well be due to PPD as well). It can be a happy , first time mom like myself who struggles every. single. day. just getting into the shower. or changing clothes. or doing the dishes. or getting in my car and going to work in the morning. It is a choice that I have to make every day. For most, it’s an automatic thing, once i get the baby to sleep I will do this, this, and this. With PPD the this, this, and this all of a sudden becomes that much harder. The motivation to do those things are completely lost. It can also be that the anxiety of a being a new mom is that much higher. All moms experience anxiety in one way shape or form but when it starts debilitating your life, that’s when you know there’s an issue. Like PPD. When you’re a new mom every ounce of sleep you can get is cherished, but with this heightened anxiety I can’t even sleep when my son is sleeping because I’m replaying horrible images in my head of everything that could go wrong, though deep down i know will never truly happen.
This is what PPD can look like. To all you ladies out there who don’t experience the “typical” side effects of PPD or even new motherhood, know that you are not alone. I am here. There are so many other women who experience this also. We cannot be afraid to speak up. Awareness is key. We are not bad mothers because we experience these things. WE ARE HUMAN.
I got behind over the weekend. Shocked? Ya, I didn’t think so 🙂 My wife’s birthday was over the weekend and my in laws came in town to surprise her all the way from Georgia. So needless to say, we were very busy!
But guess what?! It’s the final day of 25 Days of gratitude!! Get excited! Day 22’s question is: What is a special memory from childhood?
I think my most special memory from childhood is just anytime I was playing softball. I loved playing softball when I was younger. I think it was incredibly special getting to spend every weekend and most week nights with your best of friends. Getting to learn loads of stuff from my dad and then having my mom and grandparents constantly cheering me on. Those memories will always have a special place in my heart.
Day 23’s question: What do you like about your job?
I have a love hate relationship with my job. I hate it because I have to be away from my son but i love it because it pays the bills and I work with some really great people. I am very fortunate with the job that I have. I only have an associates degree and some would say we live pretty comfortably with me not having a whole lot of education. We definitely don’t live lavishly but we are not eating ramen noodles every day and our cars aren’t running on fumes. I am VERY thankful that I can provide for my family so we do not have to wonder where we are getting our next meal from, our next pack of diapers, our next can of formula, etc.
Day 24’s question: What spiritual beliefs are you grateful for?
I am incredibly grateful for the church I have found. I haven’t been doing back for long but I love the fact that my church is so open. Anyone is welcome, including my wife and I. They focus heavily on serving the community and having your own, unique relationship with God. They understand that every one’s relationship will be different, you don’t have to fit in some stereotypical cookie cutter in order to worship there. And another thing I love is that it is ok and encourage to ask questions and to challenge what is being taught to get a better understanding. It really is quite amazing. I know this was more about my church than my beliefs but I think having a great church like this really shapes my beliefs.
And lastly Day 25’s question: What freedoms are you grateful for?
I think this is a really appropriate question, considering the election is tomorrow (anyone else incredibly thankful it is almost over?! ). One of the most important freedoms to me is being able to have my family in tact. The freedom to stay married to whomever I choose and for my son have 2 legal parents in both of his moms. We currently have this and I would be absolutely devastated if this freedom were ever to be taken away from us. With a candidate or two (i’m not going to mention any names, this is not the time or the place for that) who is running, the reality of those freedoms getting taken away are all of a sudden very real. In the last presidential election it was a very real fear that I may not be able to get married, ever. But now that my family is here and established the fear that it could be destroyed is that much worse. I just hope that America can come together and make the best choice tomorrow.
So, what are your answers to the above questions? And since it’s the last day, what are YOU most thankful for right now?
P.S. Here’s a picture from my wife’s birthday 🙂 She is now 24!
Happy Thursday! It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow so I am taking the day off so today is my Friday!! Get excited!! We are now on Day 21 of the 25 days of gratitude and today’s question is: What is a trial or challenge that you overcame that strengthened you?
One challenge I have faced throughout my entire life is my weight. Now it is not something that I overcome but I am constantly working on it. It is something that is on my mind at all times. But it has strengthened me. If I didn’t have a weight issues, I don’t think I would be the person I am today, and honestly, I kind of like that person. If I didn’t have body image issues, I wouldn’t know how truly beautiful I am. If i didn’t have weight issues, I wouldn’t know how important being healthy is. If I hadn’t lost weight, I wouldn’t know what hard work and dedication is. If I hadn’t lost weight, I wouldn’t of run in 3 half marathons and know my body can do anything if i put my mind to it. If i hadn’t gained it all back and then some I wouldn’t know that to achieve something you have to work at it every single day, even when you think you are “done.”
Me at my lightest at 190 on the left and me at my heaviest at exactly 350 the day I had my son on the right. (am in the right of the picture as well)
I will definitely delve further into my weight problem in a later post. It’s just too much to put for a challenge like this. And plus, I want to stay positive here 🙂
So, What is a trial or challenge that you overcame that strengthened you?
Ahhh we are in the home stretch!! Here we are in day 20 of the 25 Days of Gratitude challenge. Today’s question is: What you do love about one or more of your friends?
I wouldn’t say I have the most friends in the world. I have a small handful of people I would consider my close friends. All others are mainly acquaintances that you talk with about every day things but maybe not the “deep” stuff. I do have a few that I can do that with. And to those girls, I am so very thankful they are in my life. What I love about them is we can go days, weeks, or even months without speaking and when we do finally speak it’s like we never stopped talking. It’s never weird or awkward. We always just go with the flow. All of us are getting married and having kids now which is totally awesome to see and experience these things as a group but it definitely makes getting together like we use to that much harder, so I am very grateful for the fact that we can get together like we were never apart.
So what do you love about your friends?
Yes, I am THAT far behind. So sorry for the delay. With it being Halloween weekend, I just got majorly behind on everything. But here I am Back at it again. So let’s get right to it. Day 16’s question is: What was the best thing that happened today?
Since I am so far behind I will go ahead and answer this question about the weekend and of course the best thing that happened is we got to celebrate our son’s first Halloween! He had no idea what was going on but we still got to dress him up (as a biker baby!) and carve some pumpkins. We found out that we SUCK at carving pumpkins so we just pained them instead. After we got him all dressed up we went over to my parents house and got to have dinner with them, my sister and my grandma, which is always nice!
Day 17’s question is: What is your favorite family tradition?
With thanksgiving coming up, my favorite family tradition is we always end our meal with a battle of the card game Phase 10. We love playing that game! There’s nothing better when you’re worn out from the holidays and stuffed with food than a little friendly competition, a cold adult beverage, and family. We play until the wee hours of the morning and it’s just great. I don’t think I have ever won this game but darn it I am determined!
Day 18’s question is: What kindness did someone give you today?
It’s not so much just today but ever since I became visibly pregnant or am out and about with my son, people just seem to be a lot nicer to me. They go out of their way to open doors for me or if i drop something, they help pick it up. It’s a wonderful phenomenon but I just wish people were like that always. Baby or not.
Today’s (Day 19) question is: What do you like about where you live?
Currently, there’s not much nice to say about the physical place, our house, that we live in. We are hoping to buy a house in the Spring so hopefully I will have loads of nice things to say about our house then! But as far as the town we live in goes, I LOVE it! We live in a little suburb right outside a smaller major city. It’s not too little where there’s nothing to do but it’s not too big that people are stacked on top of each other. Everything we could ever need is always within a 10 min drive and it’s just perfect.
So what are YOUR answers to the above questions? I would love to hear them!